V is for....Vangina!!!

WHOAAAAAAAA...YOU CANT SAY THAT ON HERE....I hear u all scream and yell......

well hold your horses go back and read it again it doesnt say what you thought it did.....and it doesn't mean the same thing nor anything to do with it infact.....so chill out for a sec....

The actually meaning of the word Vangina is: Vangina - A really good van

'omg did you see that vangina?'
'that vangina is scweeeeetttttt'

There are loads of Vanginas out there.....and im sure you all have your own favourite.....or one you yearn for.....and want to be inside....HEY!!! WERE TALKING VANS HERE......;)

My Top 2 have to be The Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo or ofcorse The A-Team van Awesomeness in abundance!!

Put together for ABC Wednesday Check it out....CLICK HERE!!

Interrupting People, The Local Crazy and Wannabee Soldier Man.....

Hey all so after having a think about wether or not i should continue writing on here and speaking to a few different people, ive decided that i will give it another shot although my entries wont be as frequent as the once were, they will still be here.......*crowd cheers*......

so lets kick off this entry with something that really gets my back up and just irritates me to the max......that is people who feel the need to constantly interupt either my own conversations or if someone is explaining something to a group they want to butt in......for example at one of my recent training days for work....i was having a conversation with the tutor...when this loud mouth sitting at the back has to jump in on top and give his own opinion....its not your turn to speak so SHUT THE FUDGE UP!....if onli i could say that without getting sent out but i cant so oh well haha maybe next time........

OK so i find weird people highly amusing right?......right.....well yesterday i was walking past the local doctors surgery and sat on the bench outside was this old lady (heavily tattooed arms, slicked back greasy hair, no shoes you kno the type).....well me being me i had to keep an eye on her just to see what she might do.....so i sat and watched (for about a hour) and every-time someone walked past she would clap her hands and shout at them....was highly amusing to see the look on their faces as this clearly mental woman gave them a round of applause......she defiantly is the kind of women who will walk in the supermarket and shout at the cheese.......

Last thing i want to talk about today......is about this guy....who....well let me describe him.....hes about 50-odd....not much hair....tiny mustache....oh yeh and he walks around in full army uniform!!!!......for any of you who know or can remember he bares a striking resemblance to Sgt. Slaughter who used to be in the WWE Wrestling.....hes clearly not in the army (my guess is he never has been)....but he frog marches all over the town.....whatever the weather you are sure to see him walking around as if he was on a routine drill..........one thing i should mention tho (and this is how i know that hes a sandwich short of a picnic) one hot summers day last year....i was sitting by the river...when Sgt mentalcase cames over.,...crouches down and fills his water bottle up from the very dirty river and drinks it down.....mmmmmmm YUMMY....BLAHHHHHHHH....

So there we go folks hope ya'll enjoyed it even a tincy bit...ill hit you all a new post in the next few days...

oooo yeh before i go i want to do a quick shout out....to a lovely lady who goes by the name The Blog Whore.....she writes a celebrity gossip based blog over at CELEBRITY RANT its a very good and funny read if you like reading a different view on some of the worlds celebrities...... sarcastic but very clever thats how i would put it :)....its kinda like what we all think of celebs but dont say.....so go check it out CELEBRITY RANT CLICK HERE


WHOOO ATE MY SANDWICH??.....OH WAIT......ITS HERE IN MY SHOE....OOO LOOK AT THIS PIC OF THE DAY.....

U is for.....Ugmo

Im pretty sure many if not all of you have seen, during your day to day lives, an Ugmo!!

As im aware you probably all have, but beacause u dont know what it means, your now sitting there thinking......what is it?...is it an animal?.....an object?......for the love of mankind TELLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......

well hold your horses lol....because first i must say....if when you find out what it is....you dont think uve ever seen one.....then one word of advice.....it might just be you!!

soooo shadies and mentalmen here it is......a Ugmo is......*drum roll*...........

Ugmo - A really really super duper ugly person


Used as....
'Wowzaaaaa did you see that Ugmo?'
'Shes a right Ugmo'

Created on behalf of ABC Wednesday......GO HERE TO CHECK IT OUT!

*Holiday Special*.....She-Beast, Rogue Seagulls and Roadkill Part 2.....

Sooooo hello all again.....its been a week and as you can guess from the title....the reason i havent written lately is because i went on holiday....to the sunny west country....Somerset in fact....very relaxing holiday with alot of things that i wish i had my laptop with me to write about but i will try to think of some of the more interesting and amusing things over the next few days to keep you occupied for....well maybe 10 minutes of your life that you will never get back muhahahahahahaah......

So the first thing i want to tell you about is....Well how can i put this politly....ummm.....The devil most certainly did not go to Georgia.....Infact he went to a little place called Burnham-on-Sea in somerset....and was reincarnated as a She-Beast......Shes about 6ft 2ins tall has bright red curly hair and walks with a kind of limp that makes you think.....is that cos shes not used to wearing shoes on her tiny little hooven feet.....she gave me one stare and i swear to you all now...a little wee came out....

Now staying by the seaside of corse you are going to encounter seagulls.....now i dont know if they have these in America (for you people who come from over there)......but these ones that were where i was staying were more like mini aeroplanes that swoop down and pretty much try to take your head off......now we had this one seagull who would stand on your caravan every morning.....(waiting for me to some out to attack i bet)....kinda scared me until i saw that he only had one foot......he wasnt missing a hwole leg...oh no no nooo....just a foot.....but he still stood as if he had 2?......now i was wondering does he ever forget he only has one then when he leans to that side does he fall over??......i tried to get him too for the whole holiday but never managed too....dissappointing.....

Right finally i want to talk about something that i have written about before.....Roadkill....you can read the other entry here if you havent before.....whilst on holiday driving around seeing this animal suicide wall of fame.....i thought i should probably start a tick chart to see if i could see every type of animal with tyre marks over them....so heres my list soo far....Badger, Squirrel, Fox, Rabbit, Magpie, Crow, Frog, Kestrel, Pidgeon, Deer......so my question to all of you is what animals have you seen flattened???.....

******* ON A SIDE NOTE *******

To be honest im relly struggling to find any enjoyment or drive to continue writting on this blog.....i havent had the amount of interest i thought i could have got....mostly down to my own fault...and not knowing how to put my blog out in the wider world....and its probably because....well my blog isnt the best read around nor is it probably in the top 1 million....so im afraid to say that im probably not going to write for much longer on here or at all....im sure i wont really be missed....if anyone wants to give me any tips or try to motivate me again then be my guest....if not then ill probably stop by the end of this week.....its been nice knowing the few of you who read me.....all the best

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Gym Bunnies, Grasses and 'Uh-Oh Summers On Its way...'

What the hells going on?!? 2 posts in 2 days ahhhhhhhh........

Sooooo after many years of not really caring what i look like or to be more honest being lazy i finally joined a gym (some would say i like torture...).....Now im not the thinnest person nor the most fit....but looking around the gym you cant help but fell like you fit in.....for instance the day i joined i walked in...half expecting to see uber-fit-muscle men or women pumping 'iron'....Oh no no nooooooo...not this gym.....in this gym there are lots of weird creatures (or people) that have crawled out of somewhere......theres this one guy who if youve seen the peperami advert with the little peperami man you will know what im talkin about....hes stick thin and the same shape from his feet to the top of his head.....theres another lady who must be atleast 80....walks in with 2 walking sticks then gets on the bike and goes at a pace...that any slower she would go back in time.......im not having a go cos they all are trying their hardest to do what they gotta do...one thing tho.....they could atleast wipe their granny-peperami sweat from the machines before i have to sit on them...i leave the gym smelling like a old meat handler......

Blahhhhhhh....one thing i hate in this world (there are probably more than one thing)...is people who tell on people...grasses....snitches.....DICKHEADS! (please excuse my language this has really got my back up)...... so i was having a good day at work learning, well CPR today woooop, when i get a phone call from the people who own our block of flats.....they say they have recieved a complaint about our wheelie bin....(our wheelie bin recently had the lid ripped off by a heavy handed binman)....now this lady went on to tell me that the complaint was that our bin was overflowing and rubbish was going into peoples gardens (A total lie as i had picked up all the rubbish on my way out in the morning)....they carried on sayin they had also recieved a complaint about people not returning their bins to the back of the flat after they have been emptied......so not only did i have to go to work...but when i got home i had to find any spare wood i had and make a makeshift lid for the bin or face the possibility of a fine........FUCK FUCKETY FUCK FUCK.................oh and if you was wondering who made the complaint....ill give you one guess.....the only guy who takes his bin back in after they have been emptied.......God damn...Mother-whating JIMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!......Obv the trip through the shed didnt kill him gahhhh maybe next time (joking of corse).......

so i realise this post is rather long so ill keep this one short........What is it about the sun coming out that makes people want to wear the minimal of clothing??......now im not sayin girls with good to semi-good bodies, pretty girls, heck even guys who look after themselves cant do this....noooo far from it.....im talking about the ladies with lumps and bumps all over themselves, people with back fat, beer bellies, hairy backs etccc.....letting it all hang loose.....it seems like im having a go but im not...these people are lovely in their own right and have the right to show off if they choose.....but please......DONT RUIN MY EYESIGHT WITH YOUR HIDEOUSNESS THAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK LOOKS GOOD.....BUY A MIRROR HELL BUY 2 INCASE THE FIRST ONE BREAKS AFTER LOOKING AT YOUR QUASIMODO/CHEWBACCA LOVECHILD BEING IN.........


Soooooo maybe you can tell today has put me in a bad mood......well we cant all have good days everyday or else we will die im sure of it.......laters gators

SHAAAAAAAAA-TINGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BANG TIDY PIC OF THE DAY......

Did Anyone Miss Me.........

WHOAAAAAAAAA.....Just seen that i hadnt written a post since february?!? wtf?!?!
well i know why.....and im not gunna bore you all with the details of whats been going on with me in my life.....but lets say its been pretty EPIC!.....(on a side note if anyone does want to know then that will take up a whole new post which ill add next time....but u gotta ask first lol)

Anyways i am back....for good i hope....well until something else happens haha....

Sooo wat funny things have i seen i hear you ask.....well lets see......

Right last week i was on my way to work and happened to hit some traffic.....now it was a lovely sunny day lots of people about...riding bikes etc....i stopped at the traffic lights next to this grassy area that leads on to the local park (i guess i dont know really)....and just as i thought my day was going to be a bad one.....this man came riding over the grass holding what looked like a scotch egg (if your not from over here you may not kno what this is.....its a snack sent from the heavens :P).......so anyway this man came riding past holding his heaven snackage....funny huh? ok thats not the end of the story....i found myself staring at him just as he hit, what can onli be described as an invisible trip wire....which sent him headfirst over hishandle bars and crashing to the ground......(what about the god touch edible magicness he was holding i hear you ask)....well dont worry he managed to keep hold of it...stand up and walk away pushing his bike..............EPIC FAIL!!!

Ummm...oh yeh you know jimmy?.....yeh u do...Jimmy....the guy who lives downstairs from me....no?....well you obv hasvent read my previous posts.....well anyways he has be doing some general gardening on his little patch at the back of our flats....well yesterday he was out their banging and crashing around...i wasnt taking any notice until i heard this almighty crash....followed by ' Oh My Goddddd Jimmmyyyyyyy...Are You Ok?.....' So i ran onto the balcony to see what had happened....and somehow he had tripped over and gone head first though his brand new shed.....well needless to say i was nearly on the floor laughing haha......Poor Jimmy

Soo anyways thats all i can think of right now....hopefully some of you have enjoyed reading my pointless post once more and maybe even missed me a little bit :P.......

Will write more in the next few days
Laters Haters.....

KIND OF LIKE THE MAN IN MY STORY PIC OF THE DAY.....

E is for Eyegasm..............

OK guys sorry im a bit late with my entry for this weeks ABC Wednwsday having a lazzy week so to speak haha but hopefully my entry will make you all laugh.......

E IS FOR EYEGASM..............

Eyegasm - When you see something so awesome it feels like your eyes are having an orgasm!!

Anyone ever had this happen to them?............

If youve read the rest of my blog you know i like to see things funny or weird......and when i see these things, i kno i have to write about them when i have an Eyegasm!...... OK its not the best way to live your life but it sure helps haha

The best eyegasm ive ever had?........when i saw this man running for a bus, only for the door to close and him run smack into the side of it and fall over....whilst the bus driver casually pulled away and drove off haha............

All This For ABC WEDNESDAY GOT THERE NOW CHECK IT OUT!!

My Childhood...........................

Hey All hope we are having a good weekend.....sooo once again im gunna write a blog entry about something that doesn't really fit in with what I write, however I believe some of the things that happened to me when growing up was quite funny and I thought id share them with you all....so here goes.....

1. Crash Test Dummies: Now most of you will know what these are (if not they are the human dummies they use when testing new cars etc), well i myself was used in this way, not by a new exiting company, but by my mother......she used to drive down our road (not fast) and id b sat on the floor for some reason and then she would break hard and id bounce around....i know this sounds dangerous but i enjoyed it (probably why i am like i am).....

2. Knife throwing.... OK if you thought the first one was dangerous, by this point you will be calling for the police haha.....right one day my mum was in the kitchen cooking, and i was outside, just as i entered through the front door i heard a shout of 'THINK FAST!!' and then saw this knife come flying towards me only to miss by a few inches.....

(do you get the feeling i was bullied growing up??)...........

3. Human Coconut Shy....haha ok this one is quite funny and makes people laugh when i tell them....my mum (again) used to sit me on a bucket in our garden and throw potatoes at me trying to knock me off....like a human coconut shy only you dont win the coconut with this one haha....

(you figured out the connection to all of these yet??)

4. Stair Sledding....this one is really fun so i suggest to you all, go out and try it now!!!......right all you have to do is wrap yourself in your duvet.....take a seat at the top of your staircase....and push yourself off......you will slide all the way down and probably hit your head but hey ho all in the name of fun.......once again my mum got me into this buy throwing me down at first haha............

5. Polished Floor.......ok we used to have wooden floor at my house, and once i was upstairs, and my mum thought it would be a good idea (idiot) to spray furniture polish on the floor (duhhh).....then without telling me she called me down.....however not noticing the new shiny floor...i entered into what i would call, 'the best Michael Jackson impersonation ever' as i did the moonwalk followed by both of my legs flying up in the air and me ending up on my back.........

So as you can see my childhood was filled with me being bullied and made the but of the joke by my own mother, but hey, its made me smarter.....IM OFF SLEDDING!!!!!

UMMM this blog post might be a bit boring so i apologise to you all but heres a picture to make it a bit better............

Nightime Screams, Old Shoppers and The Forest Gump Lady........

Soooooo i havent written for a few days, not because i didnt want too.....well party cos i didnt want to haha, but mostly because i was having a breakdown and didnt go out to see anything funny....however today i managed to drag my ass out and heres some things i saw........

Right ok the first thing i didnt really see, but its what i heard. I was laying in bed last night it must have been about 3am when all of a sudden i heard these almighty screams, as if someone was being murdered or something......jumping out of bed i managed to get caught in the duvet and fall flat on my face...grrrrr.....managing to get to the window i looked outside only to see the crazy lady from downstairs standing on the grass in her dressing gown shouting for her cat?!?! i mean WTF? You could have killed me (death by duvet)..........GO BACK IN YOU MENTALIST, IM TRYING TO SLEEP.......

Now one of my pet hates when i go shopping is old people, now im not slagging old people off because well i seem to get on with them haha...Old people you cant beat them (unfortunately :P)
By my god when they are shopping they do my head in, they dawdle about not knowing where they are or who they are, stopping in front of you for no reason and then they take a year to go through the checkout........i mean if you cant do it, dont do it!!!

Now some of you are going to think im really mean for mentioning this right, but i was sitting in my car when this lady walked by, she was walking really weirdly, and as i looked at her feet i noticed she had them special shoes that forest gump had (you know the metal one?).....im not laughing at the fact she has to wear them nor am i laughing at disabled people.....just one thought came into my mind when i saw them tho...........'Momms said these are my magic shoes, she said they'd take me anywhere' (in your best forest gump voice)........RUN FOREST RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

sooo that was that hope it slightly made up for not writing for 2 days, but if it doesnt then tough haha! Laters!!

EVERYBODY IN LOVE, PUT YOUR PIC UP.............

D is For D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F

HAPPY ABC WEDNESDAY EVERYONE......

This week ive decided to use not a work but a saying that to be honest I tend to use rather a lot lately haha so for you viewing pleasure I introduce you to D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F!!.........

Or in other words 'Does It Look Like I Give A F**k!

Made famous by a legendary Australian Singer/Comedian by the name of Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, and it tends to be used in my life when someone is talking absolute bullcrap to me and i cant be bothered to listen anymore haha

So yeah that's that...oh and one more thing...D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F?!?!?

Put together for ABC WEDNESDAY (WHAT YOU WAITING FOR CLICK IT!!)

The Man in The Coat, Whats That Sound? and Racist Animals???........

Hey all ummm....Happy Monday??....No?....Ok well....Happy Day to you.....

So today I went out with the sole intention of finding something worth writing about as some of my posts have become a bit of a bore I think....well with this post i feel i hit the jackpot...but ill let you all be the judge hehe.

So it started as I was driving to the shops, seeing all these old(er) people walking about something hit me, what is it with old people and Beige Jackets???....i must have seen at least 10 different men wearing exactly the same jacket!!!...is there a special shop for them?? haha.
But the one that stands out for me was this little old man (I don't know why he has shrunk, must be the rain ay?) he was wearing what looked like a body bag on him....of corse it was the same jacket but it went right down to the floor...now i know you can get jackets like that...but this was exactly the same as the others....NO WONDER HE LOOKED SAD, HE CANT GET ONE IN HIS SIZE AWWWW.....

Sitting in my flat watching the telly today, i started hearing what sounded like a loud buzzing noise, as it got nearer I realised it sounded like an aeroplane or helicopter...Now this noise got so loud that I started to worry, Are they coming to get me?....ooo are the A-Team are here for dinner?......OMG!!! ITS ZE GERMANS!!!!!!......Well needless to say it was none of them it was actually a police helicopter scanning the area, for a lousy convict no doubt......

Ok now i wrote in a previous post how i sometimes say things that people might find a little on the risky side and close to the line.....but having a spare bit of time I got to thinking about stuff and one thing that came to mind was....ARE ANIMALS RACIST??....Now I'm not saying all animals are (if any) but ill let you into how this came to mind..... I was driving past this field that had horses in....they were white with black spots on, all standing around eating a fresh piece of grass....however I couldn't fail to notice this one little horse eating away from the others as if it had been cast aside....this horse was all black, not a hint of white on its body.....does this thing happen in animal world?? why are they not letting him join their patch?? is he the slave?? or is he the revolution???.....i still cant decide!!

(If that offends anyone then I sincerely apologise, just a random thought, made possible by seeing it with my own unique eyes :P)

SO IF I PRESS THIS BUTTON A PIC APPEARS??? PAH WHO YOU KIDDING......

Sunday Drivers, Home Plumbing and What Happens If..........

Hey all so its sunday, nearly the new week (boooo) so heres my Sunday plug Fest: This week id like to direct you to a blog that is awesome, its one of the first i came accross and ive been hooked ever since, so go to The Vegetable Assassins Page if you want a laugh you wont regret it!!!

Sooo lets start the ranting on one thing that drives me insane (literally) Sunday Drivers!!!!.....Now these are a different breed of humans to everyone else, they think its fine to drive soooo slowly just becasue its sunday and for some reason i always end up behind them when im in a rush....Sunday drivers are also people who have old cars that only come out on special occasions...now i dotn get why sunday is one of these occasions but by god.....STAY AT HOME WE DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR OLD CARS!!!!!

Haha now im gunna let you into a funny story, well its might be funny o you but it definatly wasnt funny for me.....soooo im not the best at DIY but being a man i think i can do anything lol. So this morning the kitchen sink decided to not want to drain water away....so me being me, i decided i was going to fix it....however not having any idea of what i was doing, i decided to unscrew the pipe from the sink to see what the blockage was.....noww i forgot that the washing machine was on and this is connected to the same pipe :S.....so as that kicked in a large gush of water came shooting out of the pipe and totally socked the whole kitchen hmmmm not the best idea ive ever had haha

sooo finally has anyone been in a situation where you think 'i know i shouldnt, but what happens if....'??? these are the situations that you know the outcomes not going to be good but you still have to do it just to prove a point......well this is another thing that i tend to do alot...i guess you coudl say im nt the shapest knife in the drawer, but i was taking a walk the other day and i came to this fence that had a sign that read 'electric fence do not touch'......well thinking 'that cant be true' i decided to give it a touch.....needless to say i got a shock and it kinda hurt.......My thinking is WHY PUT AN ELECTRIC FENCE SUMWHERE WHERE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE COS I KNOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHOS GONNA TOUCH IT....AM I?.....ANYONE......*SIGH*.....

JUST A LITTLE NOTE: SO IM AWARE THIS BLOG ISNT AS GOOD/FUNNY/WITTY/RUBBISH? AS IT USED TO BE AND I APOLOGISE FOR THAT....BUT I HOPE IT WILL PICK UP AGAIN SOON....

DUM DE DUM DE DUM DE *SMASH* OOOPS HERES A PIC.......

Something a Little Different.......

Ok well partly because i havent had time to think of witty or funny things to write today, and partly because well...im hungover haha i thought id post a few Q&A's so you can learn a bit more about me soooo yeh here u goo.....

1 . Do you have an innie or an outtie? ermm i have an innie :S

2. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? BBQ Sauce Flavour

3. Which shoe do you put on first? Always the right one first im a bit ocd haha

4. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? Been on the phone and reading a map at the same time whilst driving with my knees hmm

5. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. Sing haha worst singer ever when people are around, but wen im alone im amazing!!!

6. Do you have any strange phobias? Heights and the sea haha

7. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? Umm Fell through a table whilst dancing on it haha

8. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? Yes, Was dared to jump a bush only for me to land in it and cut myself up haha

9. Do you want to bring sexy back? Ive already brought sey back haha

10. Name one thing you worry about running out of. Oxygen?? i guess that would be pretty bad lol

11. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep? Blaze of glory - any publicity is good publicity

12. Do you have any regrets in life? That i didnt spend more time with my nan before she died :(

13. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? always half empty - No Expectaions, No Dissapointments

14. How many tattoos do you have? i have 2 tattooss want more tho

15. What's the worst injury you have had? umm either snapped ligaments in my knee orrrr i tore a hole in my hamstring once ouch!!!

16. Name three people in the world you dislike: whoa umm.......Justin Bieber (irritating), Tony Blair (prick) andddd Frank Lampard (scum)

17. Tell me something about you that most people don't know. haha ok well i am a trained masseuse :S

18. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning? Did i actually get any sleep cos im just as tired

19. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Night owl but i regret it in the morning blahhhhhhhh

20. Which came first the chicken or the egg? Obviously none of them because something had to be here to create one of them so im going to say........Morgan Freeman!!!

YOU KNOW WHAT?.....NOTHING! HERES A PIC TO MAKE U SMILE...........

Real Angel?, Do As u Likey's and Dont Be A Hero........

ITS FRIDAYYYYYYYYYYYYY........:D

Sooo this morning i woke to find something that, lets just say shocked me so much that it stopped me in my tracks......i pulled back the curtain, only to see what looked like the outline of an angel printed on my window....now seeing as i live on the top floor of my flats it couldnt be a prank from people walking past......so was it my gurdian angel?...am i being stalked by a crazed angel/demon like spirit??.....NO....What i found out, when i opened the window to have a closer look, was a dead bird laying on the floor, that had obviously either flown into the window by accident or was very suicidal.....STUPID BIRD!!!

Do As You Likeys, or as they are more commonly known PIKEYS....Now dont confuse these with the Chavs (reffer to yesterdays post), these are not as bad as the chavs, but they do tend to appear from nowhere on any spare piece of land.....which they have done in the field opposite where i live....hundreds of caravans, barking dogs and loud childrens noises filled the air....GRRRR GO AWAY I WANT TO SLEEP!!!

Have you ever thought of being a hero?....im not talkin superhero...just someone who, if you saw something happening that you would try to help?.....i mean if i saw a house on fire and i knew there was people inside then i would probably try to help get them out.....however theres one thing i wouldnt get involved in...and thats if i saw someone having a fight....not because im scared or anythin cos i can handle myself...its the fact you never know these days whos got a weapon...this is exactly what happened the other night....i was walking home after a few drinks wen i saw these 2 guys having a scrap....now i was about to go ouver and help this guy who was gettin beaten..but thinking 'What If?' stopped me...im glad i did because when the police arrived they found one of them had a knife.....LUCKY ESCAPE I THINK.....

THE-SMILEY-FRIDAY-PICTURE-TIME............

Chavs, Stop looking at me dog and You might not know but...

Hey All...Well after my grouchy day yesterday i thought today id try to write about more happy things......HAHA AS IF!!!....Thats just not what im about......

Ok so i realise many of the people who read this blog are from countries other than England, so this part might not make any sense to you.....but over here we have a new wave of infestation, a group that makes cockroaches bearable, a group who bring only bad to the world....yes THE CHAVS!!!...
Now chavs (for you people) are youth's who wear tracksuits, baseball caps, hoodys and just cause trouble......well where i live i thought was a chav free zone....that was until last night about 2am when, what i thought was the end of the world, turned out to be 4 different cars pull up with their music blaring and these 'human beings' got out obviously quite drunk and started causing trouble.....Now i say its time, time for a change, Time to wipe of the scum.....WHOS WITH ME....*AHEM*....

Haha ok after that little rant heres something a little bit more funny. ok heres the story, i was in the high street looking around, when i passed this shop that had a dog sitting outside, now this dog clasped his eyes on me as soon as he saw me (i dont know why, back to the dr doolittle thing) and as i made eye contact, that was it i was trapped. Our eye contact didnt break the whole time i was walking, it was some kind of weird connection.....until i walked into a lamppost and hit my head....DAMN DOG!!!

Ive been searching the internet lately trying to find some interesting stuff that i didnt know about and i came accross this ineresting website with facts on it.....and id like to share some of the more interesting ones with you too see what you think.....

1. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange,
purple and silver (other than nurple, morange and ermmm....)

2. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will
instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who
discovered this??)

3. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space
because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. (haha im sorry but that is too funny, 'Houston we have a problem, ive just farted')

and finally...

4. It is impossible to lick your elbow (ok hands up who tried this...i kno i did)

BLAH-BLAH-BLAHHHH-SHOW-ME-THE-DAMN-SMILES............

Damn Foxes, Silly Baby Outifts and That One Thing.......

Sorry for the lateness of my post today....starting to come down with a cold so been sleeping haha.....

They are everywhere, They roam our streets, They stalk us from afar, They come in our houses and they eat our children......ok that last part might not be entirly true, however there has been a steady increase in fox attacks in the home.....my question is do we actually need them? i mean all they do is eat our rubbish and then keep us awake with their blood curdling screams......waste of an animal i say....

Im in a grouchy mood today so little things are annoyin me but ill get onto that later....what i now want to talk about is the people who dress thier children up in the silliest outfits.....i mean when your kids grow up and see pictures of how you dressed them they are going to hate you......little wolly cardigans, leopard print bodysuits, hats with ears on them are just a few of the horrendous sites ive seen.......its a baby NOT A TOY!!!......

Right do any of you have one of those days where things are going great then BAMMMM! that one thing happens to fuck you off and ruin your day??.....No? Well thats exactly the kind of day im having.....oh that one thing that annoyed me?.........PEOPLE WHO FEEL THE NEED TO COLD-CALL YOUR MOBILE PHONE 5 TIMES IN THE SPACE OF 10 MINUTES TRYING TO SEEL YOUR SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN!!!!...........GET A PROPER JOB U LOOSER!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!...........

CHEER ME UP PIC OF THE DAY...........

C is for Chrometophobia

Chrometophobia of the fear of CASH (Money) has got to be, Certainly the most Catasthophic and Creative phobia any Creature has Come up with.

Now i dont know about any of you but my wallet must have this phobia as it never has any money in it :P

For you people out there who have this phobia, heres a little something from me to you.....ENJOY......

This Page Was Created For...GO TO ABC WEDNESDAY

Jeggings, Whats the Point and The Homeless Guy.......

only 4 page views yesterday? :-0 wats going on people???....haha....

First things first, i need to get something off my chest, something that has been bothering me for a while now, and i really dont get where this came from or who started it but if i ever found them they would taste the back of my hand.......WHO THE FLIPPERDY FLIP THOUGHT OF JEGGINGS????
I dont know if the the concept of the thing, or the name or all of it but, what the hell are people thinking. SURELY THEY ARE JUST FOR PEOPLE WHO CANT AFFORD A DECENT PAIR OF JEANS???.........fair enough if youve got the figure to wear them...but my eyes have been tormeted by thousands of sights of people who, well shouldnt wear an item of clothing that clings so snuggly to you........

Whats the Point?.....Thats what i want to ask you, Whats the point?.........Whats the Point in Mosquitos? Are they really needed all they do is buzz around your ear biting you at any opportunity, they bring nothing to the game............Whats the Point in Reusable bags? People never use them they throw them away when they get home and get new ones next time......What the Point with Pickled Fish? noones gonna but that shit so stop producing it.....Whats the Point with Justin Beiber? this little scamp is everywhere he needs to be wiped out..baby baby baby whooooaBANG!!!!!.......

Right last but not least i wanna talk about this homeless guy that i saw earlier, now im not going to make fun of the fact hes homeless, cos it might not be his fault (probably is tho). He must have been in his late 20's, scruffy looking with a sign that read 'Need money for food, please help me'. Now by now you will realise that if i see something i might write about then i stop and watch them for a while. Now i stood and watched this guy for about 10 mins, people kept walking by noone gave him a penny, and i started to feel bad, so i was just about to walk over to him to give him what little change i had. However before i could get their i heard a phone ringing, and then as by a miricle this 'Homeless Guy' pulled out his IPhone and answered the call.......Needless to say my money went back into my pocket.........WHAT A CON HE IS......

DID-YOU-HEAR-THE-ONE-ABOUT-THE-FUNNY-PIC-OF-THE-DAY?.........

Weird Phobias, The Pointless Things in life and 'WTF? Was That?'........

Ahhh the beginning of a new week, Hope we all had a good Weekend :D.....

Right now im fairly sure most people have a phobia or are scared of something in life, may it being heights, death, spiders or scared of being alone. These are the common ones, but thats not what im about.....I have found out that there are some really funny and damn right strange things people are afraid of.....the first one is Melophobia - The Fear of Music???....how on earth can someone have a phobia of something that is all around us in commercials, radio tv everything......Another is Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - Which irronically is the fear of Long Words???.....you can just imagaine someone sitting there going 'oh im scared of long words, i kno im going to look up what that is called OH MY GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOO'....ok the last one ill give u and it just made me laugh because of how stupid it is but its...Arachibutyrophobia - or the fear of getting peanut butter stuck in the roof of your mouth????.....Who comes up with this? THEY ARE JUST TRYIN TO MAKE UP NEW WORDS NOW!!!!

I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine, over a drink (or 10) and we got into a conversation about the most pointless things in life, now take into account we were both very drunk at this point, i dont think we came up with that bad of a list here are some of the things we came up with......
1. Stickers on novelty shampoo/bath soap that says this is not food??
2. the amazon kindle - over £100 for what is essentially a book!!!
3. Vegetarian products that are made to resemble meat e.g vegetarian bacon - just eat normal goddamn bacon if u want it....
4. Banana Guard (the thing to put your bananas in to keep them fresh)
5. Rushing when you are late for something - your already late why hurry

Right now the last thing i want to talk about today is, well has anyone subconsciously thought that there is something or someone following you or watching you, and every noise you hear makes u go 'OMG WHAT WAS THATTTT?'.
Well i had one of these moments yesterday i was walking home after a fairly heavy drinking session, and i came to a fork in the roads, now normally i would go right and take the road with the streetlights, but for some reason this time i decided to go through the dark wooded area, WRONG CHOICE!! I swear someone was following me..i kept hearing footsteps, whispering and movement...really scared me.......just as whatever it was was closing in and i thought my life was over.........i woke up and realised i had fallen asleep in the pub haha.....plus i dont even live near any woods... Crazyyy AY??............

CAN-YOU-SAY-SMILE-PIC-OF-THE-DAY.........

Sunday Morning Wakeup call, Narcoleptic Animals and The Chinese Violinist....

SUNDAY SHOUTOUT (every sunday im going to plug the blog that i have enjoyed readin for the week) This week its for a lovely blog by KLO truely is one of the best reads around so go check it out: The Philosophy of Klo

Well lets just say sunday should be a day for rest, a day to lay in and enjoy your bed, to relax before the week ahead....youd think so right?....well if only someone ould tell the crazy lady downstairs this!!!!
5am this morning she starts with the hoovering (if people dont know who im on about read previous post titled 'men in lycra, the lady downstairs and 'you cant talk about that') shes obviously on one of her mental turns, because before i could get back to sleep she starts singing the spice girls at the top of her voice, 6am comes and shes banging on the door and pressing the buzzer cos shes locked out again......is it acceptable to bring back public hanging????

I recently came accross a new video on youtube that i thought was both hilarious (harsh maybe) but also quite sad. Its about a dog that has narcolepsy poor little guy. so everytime he gets excited he falls asleep :(.....now i was thinking if i had this id be constantly asleep haha..... NARCOLEPSY HAS GOT TO BE THE WORST SUPERPOWER EVERRRRR........STOP! IM NARCOLEPSY DOZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.......
Anyway heres the video check it out....

Last thing i wanna write about today is the increase in people on the streets, in the shopping centres, wherever, playing music for money. Now im all for it if they need a way to make money or to be honest, if they are half decent at what they are doing.......but for one guy he should just give up now.........yes im talking about the Chionese Violinist of Woking!! Ok now first thing that shocked me was that hes probably mid to late 40's so he reli should have a proper job.............secondly if thats what your going to do.....LEARN TO PLAY THE GODDAM THING!!! I dont wanna go shopping, then have my ears left permanently ringing for your lack of violin skills, take up something easier if its a problem....like maybe SHUT THE F@"* UP MANNNNNNNNN...............

I PUT A PIC ON MY BLOG SUMTIMES SAYING AYYYYOOOOO ITS A PHOTOOOOO......

Public Over-Affection, Shoes but No Socks and 'Whats That Smell'.........

HAPPY WEEKEND EVERYBODY......

The first on my To-Moan-About List today is people who think its acceptable to be over affectionate in public. Now im not talkin about people hugging or holding hand or even having a little kiss, Not at all, im talking about the people who look like they are eating each others faces. This is something that should be kept in private, WE DO NOT WANT TO SEE IT IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOPPING CENTRE!!!!!

This is a refference back to my post yesterday (about the little old confused man) who was wearing shoes but not any socks. Now over the past month ive begun to see more and more men wearing shoes without any socks, is it just me that find this uber weird?? not only would i think it be uncomfortable, but my god their feet must stink!!!!!

Now this part is probably the weirdest, most disguting thing ive ever written about. Righ the story is i was on the train, was just a normaly boring journey, when suddenly this smell wafted down the carriage. However this smell was the smell to choke all smells haha it smelt like something had died, been left to rot then eaten by an animal and shat back out. I couldnt quite figure out where it was coming from. Then this old man walked past where i was sitting, the smell seemed to follow him and as he past i turned round to look, only too see that he had litterally pooped himself on the train!!! bleughhhhhh that ruined my journey........

WHAT-YOU-LAUGHING-AT? OH-ITS-THE-PIC-OF-THE-DAY........

Sexual Innuendo, The old man and 'If i wanted to look at that, id have gone to the Zoo'......

Hello all.....Hope we are all having a good day....one thing.....ITS FRIDAYYYYYYY!!!

Right the first thing i wanna talk about today, and i dont know if im the only one who finds this, But i was in the Supermarket earlier, and i couldnt beleive how many things you see, have some sort of sexual innuendo's attatched to them.
For example i was in the fruit and veg aisle, id just walked past the cucumbers (long) and Apples (firm) and just then i heard an old woman say 'i love melons'.....i thought the same ;).
I carried on shopping and then came to, what probably was either the funniest or most disgusting thing ive heard in a while, there were a couple of ladies by the fridge where the cream is , and i kid you not, one said to the other, 'i love the squirty cream, its best when squirted straight in your mouth'.....hmmmmmm......

Now, some of you might have figured out that i like to watch people, that i find interesting. Well also on this shopping trip i noticed this little old man who was, obviously sent by his wife to get some shopping (i could tell this cos he had a perfectly written shopping list and the look on his face, you could tell he didnt know what he was doing). This man caught my attention because he stood staring blankly at a sign that said 'buy on get 2 free' now to normal people this was easy to understand. But not to him he stood there for a good 10 mins, me watching nearby, before muttering to himself 'but i only want one, now i have to buy 3'!!! bless his cotton socks, we thats if he wore socks!!! That i dont get, but i wont start on that ill leave that for tomorrow!

Before my shopping trip i thought id sit and have a nice coffee, in the supermarket cafe. So i got my coffee, put my headphones in and sat down with the paper for a quiet 10mins before i started.
Nearing the end of my coffee i felt someone tap me on the shoulder, i turned round and this angry looking old man (not the same one as before) was standing there.
Apparantly my music was too loud for him and he continued to tell me 'If i wanted to listen to music that loud id have gone to a rock concert!!'.......i was listening to Bruno Mars, but he looked angry so i thought id better not say 'actually its not rock music' otherwise he might hit me.......so instead, and for no apparant reason, im still tryin to figure out why i said it, but this is what came out of my mouth......'Well if i wanted to see that resembles a gorilla eating a squirrel, then i would have gone to the zoo today'.....Obviously offended and even more angry he wandered off muttering something un-postable haha.

LAUGH TILL YOU PEE PIC OF THE DAY...........

Birds at night?, Stupid People and Annoying Jimmy..........

Ok heres something that has been bugging me for a while, yet i dnt quite know why its happening......When i try to go to sleep at night, theres always this noise that keeps me awake....BIRDS SINGING!!!
Now im not an expert but im pretty sure birds shouldnt be singing at like 1am??? GO TO BED BIRDY'S!!! I like the sound of bird song on a sunny day, but this is annoying, i am this close *makes reli short length with fingers* to going out and finding these birds to shut them up!!

I was thinking back to when i used to work in a supermarket, about some of the more funny times that stuck in the memory, and in a way made working there more bearable (even if it was just for 10 mins) so heres a few things that happened that i just couldnt quite believe wen i heard them:

1. i was on the customer service desk when this man came in, he looked normal, but i tell you, he was far from it lol. He had brought a jar of marmite (for those who dont know what it is, its a yeast extract that us brits put in sandwiches, on toast etc, and its dark brown in colour) well he claimed that it wasnt the right colour and that it must be off! a 15 minute conversation occured, and in it he claimed that it was too brown, now i dont kno what he was expecting me to do but oh well.

2. they now have these machine in our supermarkets that allow the customer to scan their own shopping. However because some items are age restricted e.g. alcohol when they try to scan these a prompt comes up for the attendent to approve. now i was working on these machines when a man scanned some beer, *swift propt occurs* and he says 'for gods sake why is it asking for apporval' i politly explain thats its because you have to be over 18 to purchase alcohol, angrily and rude he says 'well its clear i am', as if to say the machine should know that he is over 18??? tryin to bite my tongue i calmly reminded him that machines cnt tell the age of people. Well lets just say he wanted to speak to my manager so as 'the customer is always right' the manager was called. ahhh how i dont miss that job haha.

Right finally for today, i need to get something off my chest, now yesterday i talked about the lady downstairs, but today i need to talk about the man who lives on the bottom floor.
Lets call him Jimmy, cos well, his name is Jimmy. Now Jimmy is the kind of nosey, and 'busy body' person whos always doing something, whether it be looking after the communial garden or shouting 'jay-jay' every hour of the day, (jay-jay being his dog) hes just always there, but heaven forbid you park in his parking space!!
Now we have a private car park but noone has their own space, but he always parks in the same one, i made th emistake of parking where he does once, and what he did both shocked and made me laugh haha.
He actually waited outside the next day for me to move my car and then he went and got in his van and moved to the space. So recently ive been tryin to park in his space, and when i do get in it, i casually walk out to my car a few times get in it.......then get bk out again!!! IN YOUR FACE JIMMY!!!!

OK today was probably the worst and most pointless post of mine but well.....its early and im tired so there *pokes tongue out*

DA...DA...DA...DAAAAAAAA.....HAPPINESS PIC OF THE DAYYYYYYYY......

Men in Lycra, The Lady Downstairs and 'You cant talk about that'..........

Right first things first, not alot of things put 'the fear' into me besides the sea (dont ask) and flying bugs (read previous posts) but one thing really starts to get my heart racing and really brings terror to me, and that is.......MEN IN LYCRA!!!.... You know these men who wear lycra cycling shorts or jogging shorts, i mean come on guys, that outfir leaves nothing to the imagination you can actually see your.......i wont go into detail but i reli think this sort of thing needs to be banned!!!

ok im probably not alone here, and im sure many of you know (or are related to :P) someone who is a few sandwiches short of a picnic. Well the person who im reffering to lives in the flat below mine, and well lets just say she is NUCKIN' FUTS!!!!.....She constantly gets locked out of the flats in her pyjamas, plays music all hours of the night, hoovers at like 5am and basically looks like she needs sectioning haha but hey i for one will not be tellin her shes mental........

Now this part may shock a few people or annoy people and its reli not intended to do that, you see, sometimes when im speaking to my friends or whatever, i sometimes say stuff that offends people. Now i am not a racist, im not sexist and i am not homophobic, but i sometimes say things that people who dont know me, or dont listen to the whole conversation might get the idea that i am all of those things. Overall i think the world nowadays is a little bit touchy on all those subjects i mean people tend to play on the fact that you cant say anything these days.....if we all would just relax a little bit and just get on with it the world would be a better place......nothing somes it up more than this song.....


LAUGH-A-LITTLE-IT-JUST-MIGHT-HELP PIC OF THE DAYYYY......

Swine Flu, Rubbish Tattoos and The Bearded Lady of Kingston........

Welcome everyone.....

The first thing i have to have a little moan about today is the panic that, Newspapers and News crews have put in people over the recent rise in Swine flu cases. Yes its a deadly disease if contracted so im not going to laugh at people who have it (or claim to have it :s) all im saying is that does the scare-mongering tactics of the press actually help??
i mean swine flu? im yet to see someone *oink* and *sneeze* at the same time, And if i did you can be sure i would run a mile from them!!!

I waited years before i finally found the right tattoo for me, so you have to question some people when you see stupid tattoos that have no meaning or relevancy to that person. On the other hands you could go into a tattoo parlour with a clear idea in your head, and it be the artist, not you who messes your body up. take a look at this guy.....

Now that would really ruin your day.......

Right now onto the final part of this post id just like to make a shout out to a woman who is a legend in her own right, who has a massive following and who also has her own fan page on facebook....thats right....its the bearded lady from kingston (noone knows her name thats just how she is known), shes is the sweetest, friendliest lady ever but people who talk to her cant help to stare, but she doesnt care!
so all im asking is has it become social acceptable for women to be au-natural? or do some people just stick 2 fingers up to the world and say this is me, DEAL WITH IT?.....

HAPPINESS PIC OF THE DAY DOT COM......

Crazy Squirrels, Bad Haircuts and English Stereotypes......

ok sooo after yesterday and saying how i seem to Attract moths, today i realised that squirrels are also drawn to me!
I dont know why, maybe im a real-life Dr Dolittle however i was walking through the park and a squirrel ran out from a bush and just stopped dead infront of me and started staring! (im pretty sure i even saw a smirk on its little rodent face!) Question is, Has anyone ever befriended a squirrel or did it just feel too wrong to even try??

One thing that i have noticed whilst being out and about is the shere amount of people getting weird and damn right stupid haircuts. for example i saw a group of girls, all dressed nice looking pretty but then i saw that one had half her hair shaved off, one had it dyed platinum blonde, one had like purple and red bits in it!!! I guess im just not up to fashion these days, but whats wrong with keeping your hair looking normal??

haha ok to finish this post off i have to have a little ramble about stereotypes. I have a friend who lives in america and whilst we were talking i asked, how do people in england come accross over there?. Well lets just say that my reaction to her response went a little like this.........*deep breath*............NO! We are not all fish and chip eating, earl grey tea drinking, red phone box calling, mini cooper driving, james bond watching, harry potter reading, the beatles listening, queen loving, bowler hat wearing, 'good day to you sir' saying, manchester united supporting, english softies!!!! :P

EPIC SMILE PIC OF THE DAYYYYYYYY......

Kamikaze Moths, Roadkill and The Man With no Shoes.......

sooooooo......its sunday the last day to rest before the long week ahead, for some of you work, for some of you who knows ;) well heres a few things that might make the week ahead bearable (well for 10mins atleast hehe)....

i dont know if this is just me, ok it probably is just me,but i have a phobia of all things that fly, flying bugs, birds everything. However i seem to attract a new kind of moth. KAMIKAZE MOTHS!!! ones that no matter where u are in the room they fly directly at you, you could be in the biggest room possible and it would still go straight for your UR head. GO AWAY MOTH I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!!!!

Another thing i noticed today whilst driving was the shere amount of roadkill that litters our roads, foxes, squirrells, birds, i even saw a badger that looked more like a bear!! i find myself asking 'do animals have suicidal qualities?'

Right the last thing im going to ramble on about is, i saw this man walking down the street, he had nice clothes on (not designer, but not from a bin) however he was missing one vital thing.....his Shoes??
now hes either had them stolen (all you shoe theifs should be ashamed of yourselves) orrr hes a bit mad and just forgot......im going with the latter!!

HAPPY, SMILEY, LAUGHTER MAKING PIC OF THE DAY....

so thats the end of day 2 subsribe to my blog for upcoming weird happenings in my tiny world! PEACE!!

A Little Bit Of Happiness.....

Ive decided that, what with all the doom and gloom in the world today, its time for something to make us all smile.

So im making a stand, Everytime i post on this blog, i will add a picture that cannot fail but make you smile, thus spreading a little bit of happiness from me to you........:D

so heres one for today.....

Saturday - The day for football, ebay and ermmm shopping!

Sooooooooo........today got off to a good start with me staying in bed until 1pm!!!! omg! well it is the weekend after all haha.

sooo after a well deserved lunch *ahem* of a steak and ale pasty yummmm, decided it was best to go do some food shoppping as most, if not all of the cupboards are bare :(
asda or tesco??? thats the hardest decision i had to make today, decided it be best to go to asda as can get more for your money lol.
walking round asda you get a sense that you might just be the only normall person in there, a woman with a double pushchair and 2 kids holding on to it, push past as soon as you get in there! HOW RUDE!!!!
and then a man (who was clearly not on a diet) adding packs and packs of chocolate to his trolley, but hey who am i to judge haha.

A few more disasterous site followed, and as i left the shop i was glad that i made it out without getting and diseases haha.
The only other thing on my mind was how Fulham were doing against Stoke city today...........Found out as i got home that they had won 2-0 so that was a good thing.

On top of that i checked my ebay account to find the items i am selling has gone up to £93 with still 3 days to go on it so hopefully theres a little bit of money coming my way. Searched through ebay typing in random words and you do have to questions some people mentality with what they will actualy try to sell.
for example, someone has a pair of socks on there under the title 'Justin Biebers Socks' now that is weird in its own right but reading through the description not only are they second hand socks, but they are from a guy who lives in England, called Justin Bieber!!!!!! not the tiny, squeeky voice teen singer but sum random guy whos jumping on the bandwagon. What was more shocking is that they already had 2 bids on them and were up to £3 haha some people!!

well thats day one of my blog here hope some of that was worth reading ummm yeh check back for more in the coming days!